Wednesday, July 05, 2006

July 5, 2006

First off, I did not end up with a fabulous haircut. In fact, I really don't like it much. But there isn't much I can see to do to fix it, so I'll just be patient and it will grow out and I'll do something different. I shoulda left it alone. :)

Today has been an emotionally full day. It didn't start out that way. I got up fairly early, got showered etc & headed to the folks' house to help Dad get the old refrigerator off the back porch and to the dump. Well, that didn't happen today. Dad's cousin Bobby had a severe stroke and is currently in Maine Med. Dad had to go to Damariscotta to pick up his other cousin David and then go to Portland to talk with the doctors. (Dad has POA & stuff, his aunt is experiencing some issues with senility) So he gets there and the doctor basically lays it out that there is some "aggressive" treatment they could do that could possibly kill him and didn't necessarily mean he would ever be in anything but a vegetative state, or they could just let him go. He is currently in a nonresponsive state and apparently there has been some severe damage. Bobby had some severe medical problems in childhood, including polio, and they never thought he would live past 20, so it's been amazing he has lived to his (late 50s? 60s? I don't know if he's older or younger than my father, who is 63). Well, my dad didn't really want to be the one to make that decision if my aunt was at all able, so he drove *back* to Damariscotta to discuss it with her, and she and Dad and David all decided not to continue with life-support. Then Dad and David drove *back* to Maine Med.

So that's where Dad is now. Basically, waiting for Bobby to die.

As a mom, I can't imagine anything more painful than to have to make a decision to allow your child to die. Whenever I even start to think along those lines of "what if," I have to shove that thought as far away as I can. I pray to God every day that I will never have to be so strong as to lose one of my children. I honestly don't believe I could survive it.



The other part of the emotionally trying day is that X called. Apparently Kira had another one of her super-meltdowns at his house with D. this morning. D. ended up (all of this is according to X, mind you) having to lock herself in the bathroom in order to call X to tell him what was going on, while Kira threw things at the bathroom door trying to break it in. She was also "attacking" Mark, the baby, and D. I'm not sure exactly what was supposed to have triggered this. I *do* know that I have a message on my machine from 8:30 this morning, from Kira, where she sounds cute (and calm) and said she was just calling to say good morning and she loved me. So somewhere AFTER 8:30 she turned into Miss Hyde. X was saying that he thought he might have to take her to a behaviour specialist. Now, mind you, she is *not* having these severe meltdowns at my house. She is also doing a lot of "I don't want to go, Mommy, I'll miss you too much" and then getting to X's and crying so hysterically that he has to promise her that she can call me before she'll calm down.

X is saying that it might be getting to the point soon where he doesn't want to have her spend the night. And of course, if *she* doesn't spend the night, *Mark* doesn't spend the night. X and his sister had that crap happen with them, where his dad ended up not bringing his sister to his house because of conflicts, and their relationship has never recovered. I won't have that. He can have both kids or neither.

I know Kira loves her dad (she does say she misses him when she's here, but she doesn't go all hysterical or anything). She loves D. I think she loves the baby, although A. *definitely* has put Kira's nose out of joint (and I actually think that's the problem). I think at this point Kira has gotten herself into a mess she can't pull herself out of. X and D., trying to head off these things, crack down on her pretty hard, but I think it is backfiring on them and actually provokes the temper tantrums.

The funny thing is that I think X thinks I am a bad parent *because* Kira doesn't have these at my house. He thinks I let the kids do whatever they want and just give in to them on everything, so Kira never has to have a tantrum. Of course, the exact opposite is true, I don't think I let the kids get away with anything, and there are so many things I don't let them do that they do frequently at their dad's house. I do, however, handle Kira's temper a little differently. I try to understand where she's coming from, so I can help her calm down. I don't GIVE IN on whatever she's freaking on, but I know from personal experience that once she gets started on these tempers, they quickly spin way out of her ability to control. I have to help her get control of herself first, then we can deal with whatever triggered it. And it has to be done firmly and calmly. X thinks he can order her to stop and she can just stop.

Anyway, this is not meant to be a diatribe of X's shortcomings as a disciplinarian. (Even though it seems like lately a visit can't happen without a phone call to me to calm her down...that must eat him alive knowing that I can calm her but he can't).

Oh, and my grandfather went to Augusta today to get set up for his radiation which starts Monday. Dad was supposed to drive him, but the Bobby thing came up, so my Aunt Dianna (who arrived yesterday from Florida for a two-week visit) went with him, although she can't drive in Maine because "the roads are too winding"--it makes her dizzy. I think that's hysterical, the woman's FROM Maine. But anyway. So she kept my grandfather company while he drove himself. Sigh.

More another time, this has gotten lengthy.

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