Saturday, August 06, 2016

Hey, Wow, I Still Have a Blog!

Every once in awhile, I think to myself that I should get back to blogging. So, here I be. Who knows if I'll keep this up, but we'll give it a go.

A quick snapshot of my current life: Mark's got his own place and a girlfriend. They've been together for about seven months; she is a very nice girl, and the two are geekily adorable. He dropped out/flunked out/couldn't afford to keep paying for/ college, and is currently working full-time at a hardware store. Kira's still living at home, alternating a couple of weeks here with a couple of weeks at her dad's. She's got a long-distance girlfriend whom she met online but hasn't met in real life yet (there was supposed to be a visit here this summer, but the logistics fell apart). She's done a tiny little bit of dating here, but mostly thinks that the boys are still immature (of course they are), and a foray into dating one of her friends got too complicated when Kira wasn't as into it as the other girl was. K -did- get her first kiss, though, so that was cool. Kira went to France in April with a school group, and in May spent a long weekend at the Breadloaf Campus of Middlebury College in Vermont at the New England Young Writer's Conference. To be selected as a sophomore was quite an honor, and she absolutely loved every second of it.

Last winter I adopted Secret, a beautiful black cat, from the local shelter. Secret had lived there for TEN YEARS. She's got anxiety issues, but so do I, and she's a pretty awesome cat. Someday she might even get used to the idea of me picking her up. Right now she's lying across my arms as I'm typing on my laptop. Kira doesn't like her, which is disappointing, but probably better for me, because I am unquestionably Secret's human.

A lot of my life since Mark moved out has revolved around Kira, but K just got her license a few days ago, so she'll be slowly slipping further into her independence. Time for me to start practicing for the empty nest coming in a couple of years!

I've decided that I'm tired of feeling ashamed of my mental illnesses, so I'm speaking up more about them, just being more frank and transparent. I've gotten an astonishing (to me) amount of support, which rather makes me wish I had come to this decision ages ago. I'm also being more vocal about supporting the LGBTQ community, particularly since Kira has claimed one or two of the letters.

For the first time in my life, I'm actually paying attention to politics (really, how can you's a circus).

I'm back in therapy with, as I refer to him, "my first, best therapist", Ed. Ed had to close his practice for a number of years because of late-stage Lyme disease, and in the meantime I found another guy, but that wrapped up in January, and then I chanced it that I could go back to Ed, and voila! Now I see him twice a week, which is good.

I'm still single, although I have what Kira refers to as a "flirtationship" (and I prefer not to define) with Michael, a man who lives 1000 miles away, whom I met online several years ago and have not yet met in person. It's complicated. I -could- date, if I wanted to, but honestly I have no real interest in it at the moment. I'm more interested in getting myself in a better headspace, and in spending as much time as I can being a full-time mom, until my younger child graduates and flies away.

So there we are. I'll make random references to things that I may or may not explain, but that's the overall view at the moment. ~mk

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Spoon Theory

Jenny (The Bloggess) put something in her most recent book, "Furiously Happy." It was a piece written by Christine Miserandino on her blog. The piece was called "The Spoon Theory."

Go read it. I'll wait.

This piece resonated so thoroughly with me that I thought if I ever wrote anything even half as relevant to how my life is, I would be a goddess. It's perfect. It is -exactly- how to show someone who hasn't the first clue what it's like to live with an "invisible illness" (lupus, MS, mental illness, pick your poison), what the daily struggle is. Even though most people are STILL not going to get it that EVERY. SINGLE. DAY is like this. All of them. Even the good ones.

The bad days are when we didn't run the dishwasher, and all the spoons are dirty. ~mk

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Explaining Bisexuality

I was talking with my parents the other day, and my mom asked me about someone I know who is bisexual.

Mom: But she just got married?
mk: Yep
Mom: To a man?
mk: Yes
Mom: But I thought she was bisexual?
mk: She is.
Mom: I don't understand. Doesn't bisexual mean she likes both men and women? So why is it that she married a man?

I thought about this one for a couple of minutes, trying to figure out a way to get the concept of bisexuality into my parents' heads. Small-town people, born in the 40s, living their whole lives in a state that is not known for its diversity. Neither of them have close friends (that they are aware of) who are gay or bi or trans. They're not ignorant people, just not experienced with diversity and awareness, and never really having to challenge themselves with it. Here's what I came up with.

mk: OK. Look at bisexuality this way. A person reeeeeeeeeally likes blondes. WOW, they love blondes. Blondes are amazing! But wait...redheads...ohhh, redheads are just fantastic. Now, who they choose to fall in love with and marry isn't decided on hair color, but personality. And if they end up with a blonde, that doesn't mean they don't like redheads anymore. See?

And the light dawned.

I kind of like this allegory, on multiple levels.

* It doesn't assign gender, so the person you're talking to doesn't automatically say 'but he "should" be with the blonde' or whatever
* People "get" being attracted to a "type" like tall, dark & handsome, or a blond model, etc., and they can "get" being attracted to multiple "types"
* They can use their own personal experience (liking brunettes but marrying a blond, doesn't mean they don't like brunettes anymore)
* Nowhere in there is any judgement that liking blondes and redheads makes a person a slut, or greedy, or several other stigmas that bisexuals get bludgeoned by.

It is ALL about finding the image that works for someone, to explain things in a way they can relate to. Just like "The Spoon Theory" helped my parents understand a little tiny bit more what it's like dealing with being mentally ill every day, the haircolor allegory helped them understand a little tiny bit more what being bisexual means.

As always, take what helps, leave what doesn't. ~mk

Monday, March 10, 2014

Blinded by the Bright

Sometimes I think that Kira chooses her clothing just to see if she can blind me while I'm doing laundry.

Tossed in a load of white-and-lights yesterday. Naturally forgot what was in there, because my brain is nothing but a big stress-fog these days. Just a bit ago, I went to switch over stuff from washer to dryer etc, and I'm pulling out item by item. Beige tank top; grey top; salmon, pink & grey plaid shirt; light green top, beige bra, another beige bra, white towel, white sweatshirt, and then THIS came at me:

Let me assure you, there is no way to really see how BRIGHT this shirt is. It is NEON pink, with NEON orange hearts. It literally hurt my eyes to look at. I am still seeing after-images. I think my camera must come with some kind of protective filter, because in the photo it's not all that bad.

This, mind you, is Kira's idea of "toning down" her colorful wardrobe. Uh huh. Toned down. Right. ~mk

Friday, February 14, 2014

There's one every. damn. year.

Hi! Wow, it's been a WHILE! Not gonna try to get you caught up today, because I'm already in enough of a funk and it would take entirely too long.

Well, once again it is my absolutely LEAST favorite holiday. I hate this day with a passion. Huh. At least there's passion in SOME fashion for me today. :P

Today I will be drinking tequila and watching Netflix. Well, until the tequila runs out (which is probably about one good drink away at this point, and yes, it's 1:30 in the afternoon. Shut up.) at which point I will pretty much just be scrounging whatever alcohol I can find. I am running out or have run out of just about everything. In serious need of a major alcohol restock. Not in the budget at the moment. Of course. *sigh*

Netflix will consist of Dexter. Because he's a psychopath. And a serial killer. That show is just fascinating to me. I have to limit myself when I watch it because when I first discovered it I went on a major Dexter-binge and didn't sleep for an entire weekend while I watched all the episodes Netflix had. (I think at that point there were two seasons? Three?) But today, today there is no limiting. I will watch Dexter kill people in his little plastic-covered rooms until I fall into a stupor.

I will need carbs to work with the tequila, or I will get sick, and since now my body is physically unable to vomit (more on that another day), I cannot allow myself to get to that level. Last time I needed to throw up I was retching uncontrollably (to absolutely no avail) for what felt like HOURS and I burst blood vessels all around my eyes, on my forehead, and even on my NECK. -That- had never happened before, the neck thing. So give thanks if you can vomit, people, because let me tell you, you never fully appreciate THAT ability until you lose it.

Anyway. Vomiting reminds me that this post was originally a short little thing about Valentine's Day.

So. For all the "single pringles" out there (Kira's phrase), hang in there, Discount Chocolate Day is tomorrow!! For all the happy mushy couples out there, yeah, suck it. I'll like you better tomorrow. mk