Tuesday, November 25, 2008

It Doesn't Take Long

I've gone off the Celexa. My prescription ran out around the 13th, and it took me a few days to get a refill phoned in and filled. In the meantime, I noticed a dramatic drop in weight, which was interesting because lately it seemed like nothing I could do could get weight off, and in fact it just kept creeping on until I was at a lifetime high. Suddenly the weight was going. I was off Celexa for probably 4 days and lost around 10 pounds.

I got back on the Celexa, and in two days I regained four pounds. I Googled, and found forum after forum dedicated to extreme weight gains on Celexa, many as much as sixty pounds.

I'm already very overweight, and I *cannot* be on a medication that makes me gain that much weight. I just cannot. No antidepressant in the world is going to get me in the right place if I have to deal with that kind of side effect. So I decided that I was going to stop the Celexa, and talk it over with my psychiatric nurse on my appointment on the 5th. This was around the 20th.

It does not take long for the effects of the antidepressant to wear off. I started noticing a bit of irritability a few days ago. Yesterday I was pretty grouchy. And today I am just bonkers. I have been edgy, irritable, snappy, and just generally unpleasant. I have been acting unreasonably (in particular with a huge blow-out screaming fight with X on the phone tonight). I actually broke down into tears just a few minutes ago. Just for a moment, but since it has been many, many months since I have cried, it was a bit shocking for me.

I have these racing feelings that I just feel like my brain is whirling. I feel literally sick to my stomach with it. I can't settle down, I can't relax, but I can't focus on anything really productive, either. I'm badly impatient.

Just had to take a breather. While I was doing that, I actually called X and apologized for my unreasonable behavior and offered to accept a compromise. I explained that I'm going through a rough time right now and I took it out on him and that wasn't fair. I think I floored him for a minute, but he bounced back really quickly and offered his own apologies and thanked me for making the effort. It was very weird to be so civil so quickly after we had been so truly awful to each other. But I feel better about it.

I've also made a decision that for the next two weeks, I will go back on the Celexa. Whatever happens in those two weeks with my weight, happens, but I just cannot live feeling the way I have been today. So I'll go back until I can talk to the p.n., and work out a different game plan.

I forget when I am on even ground just how horrible it is to be off the meds. It's an incredibly awful way to feel at all, and for it to be so constant is just horrific. I was feeling so amazing, so positive, so level, while I was on the (three) antidepressants, and now it's like it was never there.

So I go back, and hopefully the reinstatement of the emotional stability won't take long. God, people, wish me luck. mk

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Red Rover, Red Rover, Send the Dolphins Right Over

Went to a friend's to watch the Patriots game on Sunday. Brenda and Brian were there, too. We ate chili and talked and laughed and cheered and generally had a great time. For me the football game is always peripheral to the company of good friends, and Sunday was no different. The game was okay, Pats won, yada yada. In the last moments of the game it became obvious that there was no way for Miami to come back and take it. Pats were 20 points ahead. This made me wonder what would happen if the Pats just stood back and said, "Hey, go ahead. You've got 37 seconds to try to make 20 points. Run with it. You'll get at most 7 before we get possession back. Go. Run."

Brenda thought it might be more interesting if the Pats just lined up against the Miami 0-yard line and see if the Dolphins could break through. You know, like Red Rover. I agree, I think that would be way more fun.

[aside: In a travesty against youth, my son did NOT know what Red Rover is. This must be remedied.]

Some of the other conversation included particular difficulties we as individuals and Americans in general have with language and pronunciation. Brian, like myself, gained most of his vocabulary through reading, and even today doesn't necessarily know how to pronounce the words he knows. (My biggest flub-up is "envelop." Especially when it is used as past tense: enveloped. I always pronounce it en'-ve-loped.)

Brenda told us that until very recently, Brian said 'crudites' as "crud-ites" (to rhyme with mud mites). Brian defended himself, and said that "Americany" pronunciation was messed up. Which of course provoked its own mini-hilarity.

Once we got past the totally geeky nature of discussing grammar and language, we moved on to a situation whereby the grandparents of a girl adopted her, and then insisted that the girl call them "Mom & Dad." Which turned all of her aunts and uncles into brothers and sisters. Including her own birth mother. And her brother would be her nephew, except he was adopted too. Doesn't it sound all redneck-y?

Speaking of redneck, after the game we happened upon probably the most bizarre program I have seen on TV: My Big Redneck Wedding. Have you people seen this? It is insane. The bride wore bottlecap earrings, carried her bouquet in a beer mug, wore sneakers with her gown (not even new or clean sneakers--somehow this bothered me more than the rest of it), said, "Hell YEAH I do!" at the end of her vows. The bride and groom then shared a disgustingly long kiss and jumped in a mud pit. He gave her a Harley for a wedding gift, and she gave him these. We won't even get into the reception games, like bobbing for pig's feet, toilet-seat horseshoes, or the groom's cake. The armadillo ROADKILL groom's cake, complete with tire tracks. Oh. My.

I told my dad later that I was taking notes in case I ever get married again. mk

Keeping Myself in Stitches (and other tidbits)

In my continuing self-education in sewing, today I learned how to replace a sewing-machine needle when it gets bent beyond all recognition. I also learned how to miter corners of a blanket when adding satin binding. And not to forget to stitch two lengths of blanket-binding together BEFORE you pin it all the way around the blanket. (I winged it. I doubt I'm going to be judged on this thing.) Now I just need to go over it with a decorative stitch and then that present will be done. I have fabric washing for the quilt I am also hoping to finish for Christmas (I am ambitious...I have never completed a quilt before). Once that is dried and ironed, I can start cutting. I think I'm going to do some strip-sewing which will hopefully speed the process some.

I'm going over to a friend's house today to watch the Patriots game. This is a purely social thing for me because I don't really care about football at all. I need to pick up some "chips that go with chili" before I go. (can we say "tortilla"?)

I kept Mark home from school on Friday. When we got home from the game on Thursday night, I took a good look at his face and got a little nervous. He's skinny anyway, but that night his face looked like nothing more than a skull with skin. He had huge dark circles under his eyes. During the game his face had been very pale, and was still, which is unlike him, especially when he's exercising. I knew he had lost weight during the season, going down to 134 pounds (at 5'11", not good). Beginning after school Friday he was on vacation, and he had a Social Studies test, but in a rare decision for me, I concluded that rest was definitely a priority over everything else, including school. He can make the test up when he gets back. So he slept very late, stayed in his pajamas all day long (didn't even want to get in sweats...just pj's), ate lots of food, and was feeling much better by the end of the day. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best he has ever felt in his life, he was up to a 6, from a 4 the day before. I think I made the right decision. Being able to get lots of sleep over the vacation will also be a very good thing.

He continues to do very well in basketball. Overall he's the team's high scorer (his average right now is something like 15 ppg), and his personal improvement has been awesome. I'm very happy for him. He loves basketball so much. I'm still hoping to work out something for after his season ends in mid-December, so that he can continue to play in some form or another. We only have three games left in the regular season, then playoffs. I'll be bummed when the season is over, because I just love watching my boy play ball.

Kira is also doing a great job in basketball. She has had two games so far. The first game she scored 14 points, and yesterday she scored 17. She's equally comfortable dribbling with either hand, and does some great crossovers (also known as anklebreakers--isn't that lovely?) to maneuver around her opponents. She's an excellent little ball-thief, a good rebounder, and a very good guard. Got the whole package, my girl does. One of her coaches is the varsity coach at the high school, which is just such an excellent opportunity for Kira. His daughter is on the team, and she has the best layup form I've seen in a girl that young.

Kira's season goes until the end of January. She's actually playing more games than Mark is in the regular season. Basketball is steadily rising in the ranks of Kira's favorite sports to play. I think it may be beating soccer now.

Italian Night at Mom's was a blast. There was SO much food!! Besides my Torta di Mele, we also had stuffed manicotti, aroncini with various fillings, orzo with wilted spinach & pine nuts, salad, bread, antipasto, olive cheese balls, bruschetta...all this for five people. We all had so much fun! Next time I believe we are doing India, sometime after the New Year.

OK, need to get some stuff done. Will leave you with this little collage from Mark's first game. mk

Friday, November 14, 2008

Of Lice and Laptops

Well, today has just been a bundle of joy so far. Got a call at 7am from one of Kira's friend's mom, to let me know that there are two cases of lice in Kira's class that she knows of, including her daughter. I checked Kira out, and she is thus far clean, but I will be keeping an eye on that one.

Also got a call just a bit ago from the school, to let me know that Mark's laptop got damaged on Sunday at practice in the gym. Mark apparently was bringing his laptop back home from his father's house (X drops Mark off at the gym and I bring him home, and I am there during the entire practice, so there was no reason for the laptop to be unattended. There's a $100 deductible on the insurance, which the school pays half of, and X and I are responsible for the other half. Mark is paying the $25 on this end. I'm pretty sure X is going to make him pay the $25 over there, too (just got off the phone with D). Maybe it will occur to Mark to be more responsible

What else, what else.... Oh. Mark's coach is looking at different ideas for what Mark can do after the busline season is over to get more basketball in. One of the possibilities, that one boy did a few years ago, is that he might be able to practice with the high school team. No games, obviously, but the practice will be superb. There also might be some kind of travel team league that Mark could participate in. I know also that the girls' coach is planning to run intramurals starting after winter break and running until the beginning of baseball season. So I think Mark is going to have some good opportunity to play b-ball this winter.

Kira has her first game tomorrow through the Y league. She's on a combination 3-4 grade team. She's very excited, and I'm looking forward to it, too. She's not as into basketball as Mark is, in fact she still thinks soccer is her favorite sport, but she does enjoy the activity very much and she's skilled, so it'll be fun.

Kira and I created a new style of cleaning for her room, which has once again become overwhelming. After school today, we are going to do "rainbow cleaning." First she will take care of everything red, then orange, yellow, green, blue, purple. (and black, brown, white) She's actually looking forward to this. Weirdo.

Tomorrow night is the third meeting of our international food group. It's Italian night, and we are gathering at my mom's house. I am making a Torta di Mele (Italian apple cake). The recipe I have uses shredded coconut, raisins, chopped walnuts, apples of course...it should be very yummy.

Mark & I were talking last night, and I was asking how the whole girl thing was going. Last I knew he had an intense crush on one particular girl. Apparently that is waning, to be replaced by come-and-go interest in just about all girls. This was confusing to him. He is finding something attractive about most girls, but not always the same girl and not always the same thing. One day he'll think one girl's eyes are really beautiful, for example, and the next day they're just eyes. I had to break it to him that this is normal and natural and will, in fact, never go away. The way we look at other people, and things that may seem attractive to us, are often in a state of flux. I love that he is seeing so much beauty around him, and I hope he continues to enjoy that. Too many times we stop really seeing the people around us.

OK, I really should go do something about this house. grrrr. Kira said last night that she wished we could just push a button and everything would go back where it belonged. Oh girl, don't we all. mk

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

More Laundry

Enough people hate the thankless, neverending job of laundry that there should be a specific phrase for it. You know, like "laundrophobia" except that would mean fear of laundry, and it's not that one is afraid of laundry (although I'm sure there are some people like that out there and I don't want to sit next to any of them). So if anyone has any suggestions for a word, I'd love to hear it. I've Googled but when I do "hate laundry" I just come up with 349,000 different sites of people saying how much they hate it. And what they hate about it.

If you can't guess, I am currently finding ways to avoid directly dealing with the laundry. I'm *doing* the laundry, I'm just being poky about parts of it. Like, right now both the washer and dryer are going, so I feel a bit industrious, but there's a laundry basket of clean clothes waiting for the three minutes it will take me to fold, yet here I am, doing things like Googling "hate laundry" and "faster line dry laundry inside outside." I have one of those dryer-rack thingies (two, actually), and for some reason was wondering if it is more beneficial to leave it inside or outside to dry. Now, I know that it will dry faster outdoors until the temperature is freezing. But I still look these things up.

I wish I still had my clothesline off the back of the house. I had one several years ago, and I could also actually get through the back room to the door so I could hang clothes out. Then X took that down and built me a beautiful multi-line area up on the hill behind the house, which required this huge trek with a heavy basket of wet clothes and so I rarely used it and then stopped altogether. Someday I'll get the back room cleared out enough and re-install the line so I can hang behind the house. Although that will also require being consistent with keeping the weeds down back there so they don't grow up higher than the hanging clothes. :)

I think this is one of the ultimate boring posts, but hey, if I stop I'm going to have to fold those clothes. And then, the worst part....putting them away. Blah.

Alas, short of listing all of the reasons I hate laundry (haven't I done that before? amazingly enough, a search of "hate laundry" in my archives does not reveal such a post...how have I not ranted about this before?) I really need to get off my ass and get it done because I am sick of having the house look like hell with clothes all over the dining room waiting to get washed and clothes all over the living room waiting to get put away. And in a little over an hour I've got to be at the school to get on the bus with the basketball team for an away game. We won't be home tonight until probably close to 8. sigh. But I do looooove to watch the games. So that'll be okay. No idea what I'm going to do for the kids for dinner. That's always a problem during sports season.

STOP. Before I get onto another side rant. MUST. FOLD. LAUNDRY. sigh. Unless, maybe, I really can find that term for someone who hates laundry...... mk

update: based on Brenda's jumping-off point in the comments, I have created the word: misovestilavarant. One who hates to wash clothes. Ta-da!

And from there, we have misovestilavarany, the hatred of doing laundry. Bwahah!

back to freakin' laundry. mis, mis, mis (I started with miso, miso, miso, but that's soup)

Thursday, November 06, 2008

I Love Basketball :)

and markira said, let there be a blog post: and there was a blog post. and markira saw that there was a blog post, and it was about dang time.

Mark's team had their first game today. Mark has been waiting and waiting for basketball season to start, and then for the first game. So today was a pretty big deal for him.

First, some team background. We have 15 boys playing. 4 are 8th graders, two of whom have played all three years of busline (Mark is one). We have 4 6th graders, and 7 7th graders. Mark is the tallest on the team at 5'11", and also has excellent vertical leap, so he does the opening tip.

We played the team that won the championship last year. Most of that team was 8th graders, though, so they have a relatively young team this year. Which is okay, because so do we. We reallllllllly wanted to beat this team.

We didn't. We lost 40-38. Mark had a pretty good game, though.

He scored 24 points.

Yes. 24. Two dozen. And he had a bunch more shots that could have gone either way, but didn't happen to go in. Plus he did a TON of rebounding, and just basically dominated the court. It was pretty damn awesome to watch. (mama so proud, can you tell?)

He sat out maybe half of the third quarter because he had three fouls, and also because coach wanted to rest him a bit, since at that time our team had a six point lead. By the time Mark went back in, we were at a three-point deficit that we never recovered from. It was not from lack of trying, though! I counted at least four times that Mark landed on the floor during a particularly fierce play. This is not counting the time that he just kind of randomly tripped when nobody was anywhere near him, because he had been playing pretty much the entire game and he was pretty exhausted. He is going to be SO sore tomorrow!

What impressed me the most about Mark's game was his sportsmanship. He lost it very briefly in the fourth quarter, when he messed up and was mad at himself, but he shook it off in about a second and went back to taking care of business. But the rest of the time, he was very good. He didn't get all weird and self-congratulatory whenever he did something awesome, he just acted like nothing big had gone on and continued to play. He was very friendly to the other team, and in fact after the game was over, he and the top player of the other team did that hand-clasping-chest-bump thing that guys do.

I don't know if Mark will have another game this season where he scores like that. We may play better teams who will keep him from scoring. We may play much worse teams where Mark's play will be limited to let other players gain more experience. But this game, this first game of his eighth grade season, it was something to see. Way to go, baby! mk

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

My name is markira, and I am a Googleholic

I think I have a major obsession with Google. Really, it's not surprising. I love to learn new things, and with the Internet connected at my house 24-7, information is available literally at my fingertips at all times! Any time I have a question, I speed right over and Google it.

Some of the things I have found myself Googling in the last couple of days (these are the actual search terms I used:

* toilet john wikipedia [The history of the toilet (thanks, Beast Mom, for inspiring that one)]
* Euphemism treadmill
* erythematotelangiectatic rosacea
* Maine election results
* Palin lipstick
* unanswered point
* Celtics
* NBA Thunder [brandy-new team that the Celtics are playing tonight, go Green!]
* book wet [Kira got her library books wet, I wanted to know the best way to dry them]
* socialism
* democratic vs. republican
* Masked Magician
* mulled cider spice mix recipe
* marionette costume
* chinup bar
* Black Friday 2008
* goth vs. punk
* exorcist spider walk
* cheek bit swollen
* freak flag
* soften t-shirt
* bag of bones [like, a Halloween prop, not the Stephen King book]

What are some of the things *you've* looked up lately? mk