Friday, October 30, 2009

Halloween Musing

Anybody ever think about how what a perfect time Halloween is to go on a mass-murdering spree? Everyone's acting a bit weird, nobody gets suspicious when they see someone covered in blood or carrying a large sharp object....

Hey! Come to the Halloween Carnival tonight! I'll be there! Bwahahahahaaaaa.... mk

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

SAD vs Scary

Everyone knows that Halloween is my favorite holiday. I LOVE all the spooky, scary stuff, and the costumes and decorations and haunted houses and events and everything. It is awesome. AWESOME.

Most of you also know that I struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder. Every year at about the end of September I start really showing it. I get very tired, prone to major depressive episodes, and just generally lacking in energy and drive. I can't get enough sleep, I have a constant craving for carbs, whether I'm actually hungry or not. It's not pleasant.

So the two things battle each other each year. In an ideal (for me) world, I would do up the decorations at my house at the beginning of October, do the jack-o-lantern carving with the kids, maybe throw a party or two. And of course, there would be The Big Night, which would just be joyous and exciting.

Instead, what usually happens is that I keep intending to get out all the decorations, plan to get them set up, but maybe the week before I might actually do something (this year the big activity was slapping some new window clings of bloody hands on the sliding glass door. (that link isn't to a picture of mine....but I have the same kind, and she's got a better view out the window.) I do the costume thing, yes. This year Kira will be a dead prom queen. I'll do the trick-or-treating, but I'm tired the whole time, and I'm just going through the motions.

My psychiatric nurse had been talking to me about increasing my Wellbutrin to combat the Seasonal Affective. We even scheduled a meeting for September to look at doing it then, getting ahead of it. And what ended up happening was that she decided that I seemed to be doing okay right then and we'd get together again in December and take a look. Of course, we met on September 18th. My SAD doesn't get going until Octoberish. Of COURSE I was still doing okay. We were supposed to be trying to get AHEAD OF IT.

Naturally I didn't advocate for myself and insist on doing it, or even meeting sooner than December, when I'll be in full grip. And sure enough, last week I had a blaster of a depressive episode, one of the worst I've had recently. Can't help but wonder if I had doubled up on my Wellbutrin, if I could have avoided that hell.

You'd think the doctors would figure out that my depression is pretty powerful. I'm on THREE DIFFERENT ANTIDEPRESSANTS, plus an antianxiety that's take-as-needed. Hello? There's a problem.

Anyway. Halloween is Saturday. Carnival is Friday. Kira's costume is not completed, and all I had to do for it this year is get her a prom dress from Goodwill (did that, but it needs to be taken in to fit) and make a sash. Then blood that stuff up.

We're doing the Haunted Pirate Ship again this year. I'm pretty excited about that, but at the same time I'm pushing off getting my ass up to the third floor and bringing down the boxes. The thought is just so exhausting. But I'll get it done, and I'll have an EXCELLENT time Halloween night being scary.

Just don't expect much until then. mk

Friday, October 23, 2009

There's Like, Protein & Stuff, Right?

Every year around this time, we get a major bug infestation. They're hibernating, and my light-colored, older house is perfect for their needs. We don't rush for the Raid or anything, in fact, every time I see a dozen or so crawling across the ceiling, or landing on a lamp, or sometimes even me, I smile.

We get ladybugs.

The kids and I love ladybugs. They're the one bug that doesn't freak any of us out. (Kira, especially, spazzes about pretty much anything, moth, heaven forbid a stinging something) We let the ladybugs do whatever they want, and occasionally Kira will decide to make one a pet. Today after the kids got home, we ran to Goodwill to look for pirate shirts, and I found a little ladybug step-stone, and of course, in light of our current guests, I bought it. 99 cents well spent.

So tonight, I'm making dinner (American chop suey), and get the water all boiling. Go to add the macaroni, and suddenly there's this dark little thing floating in the water. Quick as I can, I scoop it up with the ladle, get it over to the sink to drain off the water, and sure enough, it's a ladybug. I boiled a ladybug. I felt horrible. (immediately thought: must! blog! I boiled a ladybug! I boiled a ladybug! That was very nearly the title.)

Now, as I continued to make dinner, several minutes later it occured to me that I was cooking macaroni in water that had contained a dead bug. Which can't be particulary hygenic. Somehow in my mind I justified it with vague thoughts of the ten-second rule (and really, it was way less than that before I got that sucker scooped out), along with the sanitary aspects of boiling water (kills germs, right?). Then we also had the what-the-kids-don't-know-won't-hurt-them idea, and don't some people eat bugs as a regular part of their diet? And, like, protein & stuff, right? Plus, all the time it would take to start that part over, and the waste of the macaroni, etc etc. That battled it right out with the portion of my brain that had only one response: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Of course, I am typing this having just finished my second helping. So guess which part won.

I have not told the kids any of this. My prediction would be: Mark wouldn't really care. And Kira would be totally grossed out, and probably refuse to eat any more (and naturally, because this is what I do when there is pasta involved, I made a ginormous amount of this stuff. we will be eating it for days).

And yet. Being me, I am very very tempted to find out if my predictions are correct. Very. tempted. mk