I believe that when I drop the chocolate chip cookie twice on the way from the kitchen to the couch, it's a message that I shouldn't be eating the cookie. (This message I ignored.)
I believe that when you happen to think of a particular song that you haven't heard in 20 years, within 24 hours you will hear this song: on the radio, in the elevator, over the loudspeakers at the supermarket. Somewhere.
I believe that when you figure you're just going to sneak into the store for a quick errand and decide you don't really need to fix your hair or makeup or even shower or change out of sweats, you will run into many people who know you, including at least one old boyfriend or crush. The Universe is telling you to clean yourself up and show some pride, for goodness sake. (This does not work in reverse. If you are looking especially hot, you will not see one person you know. This is the Universe telling you that you should be looking this way all the time, dammit...what, you think you get a reward for that?)
I believe that sometime, somehow the Universe will reward random acts of kindness. This also means I believe that the Universe WILL eventually kick your ass for being a jerk. Don't test that one.
And I believe that yesterday, when I was in an immense amount of emotional pain, when I was struggling to find a reason to continue, when I couldn't keep the tears from rolling down my face, when all I wanted was to beat the crap out of myself or curl up and die, the Universe responded.
- Brenda, knowing nothing of my state of mind, sent me an email and at the end invited me to sail this weekend. Probably the only time for the rest of the sailing season that I would be able to make it work. Sailing, the ocean...one of my favorite places in the world to be and one that restores my soul. With one of my favorite people in the world. Yes, Brenda. Yes.
- I found out through a post of Jenny's that yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day (that alone gave me pause, the timing). Her post, and reading comment after comment from people to let me know that I am -not- alone in fighting the black monster of depression, helped clear the clouds. Thank you, Jenny, for reminding me that "Depression lies."
- On the way in to town to get something for dinner and perhaps treat myself a little to something special, I stopped at my mailbox and there was a package that contained a sterling silver heart necklace that I had forgotten I even signed up for a chance to win, weeks ago.
- Michael, who I ordinarily don't get a chance to speak to on Mondays, was able to talk to me several different times, including one where I could not stop crying. His support, his reminder that I promised him that I would not self-injure any more, his love and understanding and caring, all helped me find my way out of the darkness. I cannot possibly put in words what that meant to me. Michael, I love you.