Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Stupid Ways I Have Injured Myself

OK, so Jenny over at MamaDrama has asked her readers to reveal a stupid and/or embarrassing way in which "you" or "someone you know" has been injured. Her example is when she herniated a disc brushing her hair. :D

Anyway, because my list of stupid injuries is so long, rather than completely commandeer her entire comment section, I'm just writing my own entry here and will reference it to her. (hey, and maybe actually get two or three other people to read my blog! bwahahahahahaaaaa)

* Current injury: torn ligament in ankle from stepping in rut in driveway, while conscientiously avoiding injury from the incredibly steep banking of gravel and soft dirt.

* Injury two days prior to that: threw neck up. Unsure of how it occurred, but woke up and could not move neck. This happens periodically.

* Other stupid neck injury: threw neck out turning on the shower. This was at college. My parents ended up having to come get me, bringing a neck brace with them.

* This wasn't mine, but it's such a spectacular injury I have to include it: girl down the hall at my dorm borrowed my SuperGlue to fix the sole of her shoe. In piercing the SuperGlue with a tack to unstick the opening, SuperGlue then squirted out of the container, hitting her in the open eye. Reflexively, she blinked. And in that time, the SuperGlue bonded her eyelid to her contact lens and her contact to her cornea. Major panic ensued. Surgery required. Shoe never fixed. SuperGlue never returned.

* Back to me. Permanent knee damage caused by ripping something in my knee while hiking in Alaska. While this sounds all cool and impressive, the part I usually leave out is that I was actually just running back down the path to the car. And tripped. [Never went to the doctor for it. (just out of college, uninsured & unemployed is my excuse for that one, although it seems to be a habit of mine not to go to the doctor for things that I probably should.) ]

* Permanent damage caused when I managed to sprain BOTH ankles at the same time while in high school. "Friends" trying to teach me how to cross-country ski. "Friends'" definition of teaching consisted of putting me on skis, giving me a push and saying "Go." And I went. Down a hill. And the snow was icy. And at the bottom of the small hill was the very much brick school building. And if I did not stop I would collide with it. And I didn't know *how* to stop. So I fell. And sprained both ankles at the same time. And did not go to the doctor. I stayed home for a day, borrowed some crutches from someone, and went back to school. And the thing about crutches is that you really have to have a leg to stand on. So I picked the ankle that hurt the least. And walked on it until it was screaming. And then switched ankles. And did that back and forth all day. And stayed home the next three days (well, it was over a weekend). And then went back to school *without* crutches. Figuring "it won't get better if you don't walk on it." And have regretted this asinine decision ever since.

* On the subject of stupid sports injuries, when I was playing peewee basketball, I was supposed to take the ball out from the sidelines. Well, I was in the wrong spot, and decided to cross behind the portable hoop that we used because the permanent hoops wouldn't lower enough for us. And didn't notice the cross-brace that was keeping that hoop up. And tripped over it. And knocked myself completely unconscious.

* While running cross-country, after a meet I was running across to see some people and didn't notice the rope that was strung around the track, guessed it....tripped over it. And scraped my face all to hell.

* In college, during a snowball fight, a couple of guys came up behind me and did that one-person-gets-down-on-their-knees-behind-the-unsuspecting-victim-while-the-other-one-pushes
thing, and I fell over as planned. NOT as planned, I landed so that my knee flew up and whacked into my eye socket, giving me a spectacular black eye that lasted for almost three weeks.

* No real injury, but this one just adds to the "markira is an idiot" files, and is vaguely sports-related....trying to learn how to water ski, and I had barely gotten up when I fell. I was very afraid of going underwater, and so when I fell, I actually got a death grip on the tow bar instead of letting go like a sane person, and ended up getting dragged behind the boat for awhile before I figured it out. And then I did this AGAIN.

* Gave myself a burn somewhere between second- and third-degree on a lawnmower.

* Fell backwards off the new deck at camp. Moments after warning my child to be careful on that same deck.

I'm sure that there are more, but these are the highlights, and I think sufficient proof that I am an accident-prone idiot. :D

Looking forward to hearing about others' injuries and idiocies! mk


Stephanie said...

Um, I am now thinkin' I need to move to Maine immediately and become your personal nurse. You are not safe on your own, Young Lady. *tsk tsk tsk*

BTW, laughing my head off, here!

Stephanie said...

Um, I am now thinkin' I need to move to Maine immediately and become your personal nurse. You are not safe on your own, Young Lady. *tsk tsk tsk*

BTW, laughing my head off, here!

Jenny said...

Dude. That was freaking awesome. I'm pretty sure we must be related.

Stephanie said...

Oh, I totally tagged you at Mama Drama today!!