My Date

Realized last night that I haven't actually written about my lunch date on Friday. Need to do that before the details blur and are lost.

So, we agreed to meet outside Cappy's Chowder House at 11:00. I didn't sleep well the night before (it's been awhile since I've had a date. I've had notoriously bad luck with men.) and I was really panicky that morning. At one point I literally could not see straight, my vision was all dim and I was freaking that I wouldn't be able to drive to Camden. About the only thing I wasn't worried about, amazingly enough, was my clothes. I was wearing a new top (that I totally love), a brown-and-beige sleeveless top, with brown pants and these great ankle boots. Loved the outfit. Which helped. Usually I feel that my clothes are ugly and out of style and completely inappropriate, but this time, I was good with it.

I arrived at Cappy's right on time, or actually, a few minutes early. And proceeded to wait. And wait. And wait. I kept checking the time on my phone, and excusing it, because Ro had told me earlier that my clock was off, so I was willing to give a little leeway. But as the time just kept ticking by, I was less and less amused, and just kept imagining being completely stood up, and I was getting little prickly feelings behind my eyes.

Then a waiter-guy came out from Cappy's and asked if I was waiting for someone, and I said yes. He said, "I think he's inside waiting for you." [me: inside? we specifically stated OUTSIDE. OUT. SIDE.] So I went in, and there he was, and I felt foolish even though *I* was the one who was doing what we had agreed on beforehand. And he apologized and I said it was fine and we sat down.

And there were roses in a plastic sleeve waiting for me. Pink roses, three of them, and they were beautiful. I haven't had a man give me flowers in four-and-almost-a-half years. (that was Billy, when we went on our weekend trip to New Hampshire on Valentine's Day. He also gave me a stuffed prince frog that made kissing sounds. And then after that weekend he started dating someone else. But I digress.)
We ordered lunch (I had chicken caesar salad, he had shrimp corn chowder....and I did *not* get the watermelon martini), and things were *incredibly* awkward in the beginning. Face-to-face is very different from email exchanges, where you can take your time, think about things, walk away and then come back, rewrite, etc. Suddenly it's live and in person, no take-backs, and I couldn't think of a single thing on earth to say. Also, Andrew had a rather disconcerting habit of looking directly at me for long periods of time with minimal blinking. (this may be normal behavior, I'm not sure. But I'm not used to it, and it made me feel *very* uncomfortable.)

While we were eating lunch it started to rain outside, which totally frigged with my prior idea to walk around after lunch. But I was really desperate to get out of the restaurant and have him stop looking at me, so I suggested it anyway. (and did warn him ahead of time that I would look like a drowned rat, but hey)

He was a complete gentleman and offered his jacket to me to keep me at least a little dry. At first I declined, but as the rain was pouring through my hair and down my face, I did accept. Although after awhile of not being able to see properly because the jacket was too big and the hood kept falling over my face, I pushed the hood back and wound up looking like a drowned rat anyway. As I said to him, at least if my hair didn't turn out well next time (should there *be* a next time), it would at least look better than I looked now. :D

After a walk down to the water, and then to the ampitheater, and then back through town to my car (to put the flowers away), I did end the date. I was soaked, and I couldn't think of anything else to do or anywhere else to go. We agreed that another date would be a great idea, and off we went.

From there, I waited awhile until he would have had time to walk back towards his car (also I went into the public rest rooms and turned the hand dryer upside down and blew dry at least part of my hair), and then I went to TJMaxx and bought myself a vase for the flowers. (the vase in the picture cost $3. I totally love it. Of course, I'm a little weird and wasn't *sure* I would love that vase with the flowers, so just in case, I bought five other vases.) And then I went to Goodwill and bought myself a rain coat. Nothing like closing that barn door after the horse escapes, huh?

So, since then there have been a couple of awkward emails. He sent one that was really wonderful, very complimentary. My response was probably not as great as it could have been if I hadn't had kids going berserk on me in the background. And then the next morning I woke up with a freakin' head cold and my neck in spasm, so I haven't been able to really sit down and write to him since. I need to do that tonight.

I'm not sure if this has the potential to go anywhere or not. I'm not even sure if I want it to. I do know that I think I want at least one more date. I keep remembering that my parents met on a blind date, and they couldn't stand each other on first impression. This June they will celebrate 40 years of marriage. So if I'm even a little interested in this guy, I think a second date is definitely a good idea.

I think a big part of it is that I'm scared. Like I said earlier, I have had bad experiences with guys in the past. I don't do a good job of picking guys who are good for me. I'm not even totally sure I *want* to be dating. I don't do well with the social thing. I dunno, I dunno, I dunno. So we'll wait and see. And if he asks, I'll go on another date. And we'll see.

Anyway, I wanted to get this down before it all blurred up in my head. So here it is. :D mk