Thursday, July 12, 2007

The State of Maine Sucks **

Rule #1 in dealing with a borderline personality: DO. NOT. ABANDON.

Borderlines are hypersensitive to real or imagined abandonment. One of the first things a therapist will have to do when treating a borderline is establish trust, which is difficult at best with a client who is expecting you to bail at any moment.

Kristen, who has been my therapist for the last seven months, has been working wonderfully towards this end. In our first appointment, nearly my first question was whether she would be sticking around. My prior therapist, Ed, who has achieved near sainthood in my head, was forced to end our therapy because of health issues that required him to end his private practice. Devastated, I was NOT interested in working up a level of trust with someone who was going to just leave me again. Kristen assured me that she wasn't going anywhere.

WELL. The State of Maine has apparently had something to say about that one. They have recently set some incredible budget cuts to the mental health field, which has led to someone at Kristen's level of licensing to not be eligible for reimbursement from state-funded health care, which I receive. And so, Kristen was forced to tell me in today's session that she will no longer be allowed to treat me. Effective in 30 days.

In addition to that, Kristen might be losing her job altogether, as she will not be bringing in state-funded income to the mental-health center. She'll find out on Monday.

This SUCKS. BIG TIME. One, because I really don't want Kristen to lose her job (there will be 25 people cut from MCMHC because of this great state budget cut). And two (and frankly, much more important to me), because dammit, I don't want to lose Kristen. It really bites to build up a relationship with a therapist, finally get to a point where you have established a level of trust where you might be able to deal with some real issues, and then get blindsided like this.

Once-a-friggin-again, I am losing my therapist through no error of my own. It is completely and totally out of my control, there is nothing I can do or say to stop it, and I HATE ITHATEITHATEIT.

I can't even begin to go into it all now (partly because I am more than a little buzzed, and yes, it is not quite 4pm, and I realize that alcohol was probably not the healthiest solution to this problem, but I have had a VERY bad day so shut up). I will work on absorbing this over the next day or so and hopefully have something more coherent to say. Definitely, this will be hitting my book.

But for now. More vodka. (kids are with grandparents. thank god.) mk

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p.s. Birthday was relatively uneventful. Did some shopping with Ro, but ended up having to return most of it for wrong size. mk
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**Note: I said the State of Maine sucks. By this, of course, I mean the GOVERNMENT of the State of Maine. Maine itself, the geographical state, kicks ass, and I love it. mk

4 comments:

Ro said...

The books were the wrong size?? I don't remember you buying any clothes except for Kira.

markira said...

lol, no, the books fit fine. :D Half the clothes stuff I got for Kira was too small. mk

Anonymous said...

I've been there before and even if someone does have full coverage it's extremely hard to find a good therapist or counselor in Maine that will actually use therapy or counseling techniques. It's like most these people just sit back and see us as a meal ticket when we show them we have insurance of any kind. Maine sucks! The counselors, therapists, and doctors aren't good at all anyway. Maine's a terrible state. Most places like Bangor, Augusta, and Portland are so full of drug addicts and alcoholics that is all these services offer are detox treatments (and poor ones at that) and nothing more in way of real mental health treatments. It's like Acadia and other places only treat people detoxing and haven't got a clue about how to treat mental illness or simple depression other than throwing more pills at you while mooching off your insurance.

markira said...

Anonymous: While sadly I do know of many, many cases where it seems that many health care providers -are- 'mooching' off your insurance, I do not agree that there are no good doctors, counselors or therapists in the state. I have found several that were excellent; it was due to outside circumstances that I was unable to continue with them. I am very satisfied with the treatment I am receiving at the moment. If you are unhappy with the care you are receiving, either talk again to your provider (we are our own best advocates) or search for another. They -can- be found, it just takes diligence and patience sometimes. Good luck. mk