Tipsy

markira is feeling a wee bit tipsy this evening, thanks to four (!) Smirnoff Triple Black and several months of no alcohol. She would like to share with everyone that she loooooooooooooooooves them and would probably give them sappy hugs if they were anywhere near her. And also, men suck and who needs them anyway.

First of all, why the hell am I speaking in third person? wacko. And OK, that last was probably brought on by the fact that Mark actually asked a girl out and she said yes and he now has a girlfriend and his mother (markira) is still freakin' single and what is wrong with the male population anyway?

I had an *excellent* day at camp today with the kids. Each of them brought a friend and I went out in the kayak (first time this year, yay!) and went out to Loon Cove and saw three turtles sunbathing on a log sticking out of the water, back to back to back and it was soooooo cool. Wish I had had a camera with me, but I was in a kayak, and that was just asking for me to flip the thing and drown the camera and kill it. Still, the boys (Mark and Mark S) got to see two of them (the third freaked out and jumped off the log while I was watching, and was still gone when I led the boys back). Also saw a loon. Very awesome.

Slightly sunburned, which is fine because at least I am not blindingly white. Except my shins. What the fuck? They will NOT obtain color unless I put that fake-tan crap on them. It's pretty gross. The rest of my body will at least not be pasty after awhile, but shins? Yeah, still yucko.

OK, so I know it's only like 9:00 but I am definitely heading for bed. I shall collapse in my nice cozy fluffy bed with my comfy covers and the window open, letting in a sweet cool breeze. I will sleep for probably about five hours before I start the wake-up-and-try-to-get-a-little-more-sleep-god-please phase of the night. Maybe six.

BUT. My bed is comfy and the crickets are chirping and I'm wearing awesome silky pj's and I am apparently so relaxed that as I am typing this I have slid down in my office chair and one leg is stretched out below my desk and the other leg has the foot propped up on the edge of the desk so it is next to my fingers as I am typing on my slide-out keyboard drawer. Wow. Weird. I don't think I've ever been sprawled out in this particular way before. It's actually pretty comfy. My god I'm bizarre.

HEY. Who has missed drunk markira? Show of hands? mememe! mk

Do Not Be Fooled By The Cute

Who would have thought that something so cute and sweet


would be capable of such destruction?


Tried to explode it in the microwave. Was unsuccessful.

Fear the Peeps. mk

Wordless Wednesday: Spirit Week

Nitpicking

The school called me yesterday to tell me that they had found 3 nits on Kira. There's quite a thing with lice going around the school; a whole bunch of Kira's classmates have been sent home within the last week or so, many with actual live lice.

Yesterday was X's day with the kids, so I called him to tell him to pick her up. He freaked out. He went on about how he didn't want her at his house "infesting" his kids (um, hello, SHE is your kid) and his dogs (head lice don't live on dogs) and his house. He wanted me to keep her because "we" KNEW my house was infested, and his wasn't (um, hi, nits hatch in 6-10 days--and she's been there within that time at least twice), and he wasn't going to have her.

I told him his day, his kid, he was getting her and I wasn't, end of story, buh-bye. Then I hung up, grabbed my bag & left the house. As I was leaving, the phone was ringing and it was D, calling to "reason with" me. I ignored the call & let her talk to the machine, then I ignored my cell when she called *that.*

I headed to my parents' house, because I hadn't seen or talked to them for a while, and also because Dad was in the school system for 35 years and he was very qualified to check my head to see if I had anything. (I didn't, and Dad also said I had the cleanest hair he had ever seen. Cool.)

Visited & caught up for awhile, then headed home to find seven more messages on my machine. Two were D. One was just repeating again that it didn't make sense for Kira to go to their house and risk exposing all of them and the kids to it, and would I please call her back. The next one was a little more hysterical, she was at the store about to pick up the treatment, and she "won't have it", she won't have Kira at her house and risk the other kids and have chemicals in the house and she was calling X and telling him to pick Kira up and drop her off at my house. (ha-ha! I wasn't home!) The other five were hang-ups from them.

There was also a lovely set of skidmarks in the dirt turnoff into my driveway, where I am assuming X rather forcefully executed a turn when he realized I wasn't home.

I was really pissed that he was getting all bent out of shape on this. I could have taken Kira, I wasn't scared of her or of her "infesting" the house. I didn't, because I didn't like how X was assuming that he could just thrust the problem at me and he wouldn't have to deal with it. When the kids are with him, they are WITH HIM, whether they are sick or irritated or whatever.

I hope to hell he didn't treat her like a leper and make her feel ashamed or embarrassed. Bad enough that he picked her up and then drove to my house to leave her, making her feel unwanted. She'll get extra cuddling from me when she gets home today, to demonstrate that I'm not ashamed or scared of her.

I *have* done quite a bit of washing of bedding etc and vacuuming. I picked up a treatment kit because she'll need a followup in about 7-10 days, along with frequent checking in the meantime.

Too much drama yesterday. I particularly like how they assumed that Kira walking into the house was "dangerous." People. Lice are spread by contact. Kira didn't even HAVE lice, she had nits. Get the nits out, problem solved. Vacuum & wash stuff she'd had contact with in the last several days in case a hair with a nit on it had fallen out. No need to panic and freak out. And believe me, I'm good at the panic-and-freak-out thing, so if *I'm* calm, it's gotta be okay. mk

Who the Hell Makes These Commercials?

I've thought for a long time that the people in advertising who create commercials are completely convinced that we are all morons. The average commercial treats us all like idiots. grrrr.

Anyway, some of the things on TV that have irritated me recently (like that's hard):

* DNA tests on court-tv shows. We go an entire half-hour or so, listening to every little detail of these people's relationships, hearing the judge's opinion on whether or not it will work out and whether they're decent people, then at the end is the big dramatic reveal of paternity. Seriously, just skip to the end. All the other stuff is irrelevant. There is no "ruling" on paternity. It's a blood test. Really.

* Speaking of, I still haven't seen Mamma Mia! but the premise drives me a little batty. Daughter brings a bunch of guys her mom slept with who *might* be her father to her wedding, and tries to figure out which one is her dad. Two words, people: paternity test. And lest you now be inspired to comment to tell me how much you loooooooved the movie, it's irrelevant. The PREMISE of the movie is idiotic.

* The latest $5 footlong Subway commercial. It's a friggin' cheerleader routine. "5. $5. $5 footlong. ANY. foot.long." I scramble for the remote as soon as I see that starting, singing la-la-la to drown it out.

* ANY of the Hillshire Farms "Go meat" commercials. But especially the one in the airplane. This is another one that gets muted as fast as I possibly can. I can't even LOOK at that one.

* Legal Options. One of them has two "soccer moms" standing by a sports field. Both are in sweatsuits. (because you know, all of us soccer moms only wear sweatsuits when we cheer on our kids) One of them has pant legs that are too short and make her look like an idiot. The other woman, the one who is hanging on her friend's every word hearing about this great business, echoes "Legal Options?" and the last part of 'options' is so high dogs will bark. Then at the end, she's all "I'll call them right now!!!!" all chipper and amazed. She's a moron. And there is wind sound through the microphones, which are all muffled. Really. Fix that.

* The Herbal Essences girls. They all have these long pointy noses and flair their nostrils out at some point during the commercial. (well, all two that I've seen) Wait...is it Herbal Essence? I have no idea, I'm too busy being annoyed by these women's noses.

* The Dixie coffee cup commercial. What the hell is with the shoulder thing they all do at each other? It's stupid. And not in a "Pepsi side-head-bop" catchy-stupid way. It's just flat-out stupid. Then they all end up in the elevator posing with their cups. Ya.

* Cash 4 Gold. The guy with the (incredibly outdated) glasses, the main spokesguy, NEVER BLINKS. Ever! And the individual people are ALL annoying! In BOTH commercials we've seen! My kids even grab for the remote to mute this one, while we all make noise so we don't hear even a millisecond of it.

* The Japanese guy on Heroes. I don't even care what his name is. He is an idiot. One of the reasons I have zero interest in this show is because of him.

I know there are more, but those are the ones that popped into my head first. There. Haven't vented about idiocy in awhile. I feel better. :) mk

Heard From Mark: Oh My

Last night, viewing a commercial for an upcoming episode of Tyra Banks, in which they will explore whether women with a larger cup size are treated better:

Mark: "I speak for all men, including babies: breasts? are good."

Oh. My. mk

Wordless Wednesday: *That's* Not Factory-Standard