Jenny (The Bloggess) put something in her most recent book, "Furiously Happy." It was a piece written by Christine Miserandino on her blog. The piece was called "The Spoon Theory."
Go read it. I'll wait.
This piece resonated so thoroughly with me that I thought if I ever wrote anything even half as relevant to how my life is, I would be a goddess. It's perfect. It is -exactly- how to show someone who hasn't the first clue what it's like to live with an "invisible illness" (lupus, MS, mental illness, pick your poison), what the daily struggle is. Even though most people are STILL not going to get it that EVERY. SINGLE. DAY is like this. All of them. Even the good ones.
The bad days are when we didn't run the dishwasher, and all the spoons are dirty. ~mk
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Explaining Bisexuality
I was talking with my parents the other day, and my mom asked me about someone I know who is bisexual.
Mom: But she just got married?
mk: Yep
Mom: To a man?
mk: Yes
Mom: But I thought she was bisexual?
mk: She is.
Mom: I don't understand. Doesn't bisexual mean she likes both men and women? So why is it that she married a man?
I thought about this one for a couple of minutes, trying to figure out a way to get the concept of bisexuality into my parents' heads. Small-town people, born in the 40s, living their whole lives in a state that is not known for its diversity. Neither of them have close friends (that they are aware of) who are gay or bi or trans. They're not ignorant people, just not experienced with diversity and awareness, and never really having to challenge themselves with it. Here's what I came up with.
mk: OK. Look at bisexuality this way. A person reeeeeeeeeally likes blondes. WOW, they love blondes. Blondes are amazing! But wait...redheads...ohhh, redheads are just fantastic. Now, who they choose to fall in love with and marry isn't decided on hair color, but personality. And if they end up with a blonde, that doesn't mean they don't like redheads anymore. See?
And the light dawned.
I kind of like this allegory, on multiple levels.
* It doesn't assign gender, so the person you're talking to doesn't automatically say 'but he "should" be with the blonde' or whatever
* People "get" being attracted to a "type" like tall, dark & handsome, or a blond model, etc., and they can "get" being attracted to multiple "types"
* They can use their own personal experience (liking brunettes but marrying a blond, doesn't mean they don't like brunettes anymore)
* Nowhere in there is any judgement that liking blondes and redheads makes a person a slut, or greedy, or several other stigmas that bisexuals get bludgeoned by.
It is ALL about finding the image that works for someone, to explain things in a way they can relate to. Just like "The Spoon Theory" helped my parents understand a little tiny bit more what it's like dealing with being mentally ill every day, the haircolor allegory helped them understand a little tiny bit more what being bisexual means.
As always, take what helps, leave what doesn't. ~mk
Mom: But she just got married?
mk: Yep
Mom: To a man?
mk: Yes
Mom: But I thought she was bisexual?
mk: She is.
Mom: I don't understand. Doesn't bisexual mean she likes both men and women? So why is it that she married a man?
I thought about this one for a couple of minutes, trying to figure out a way to get the concept of bisexuality into my parents' heads. Small-town people, born in the 40s, living their whole lives in a state that is not known for its diversity. Neither of them have close friends (that they are aware of) who are gay or bi or trans. They're not ignorant people, just not experienced with diversity and awareness, and never really having to challenge themselves with it. Here's what I came up with.
mk: OK. Look at bisexuality this way. A person reeeeeeeeeally likes blondes. WOW, they love blondes. Blondes are amazing! But wait...redheads...ohhh, redheads are just fantastic. Now, who they choose to fall in love with and marry isn't decided on hair color, but personality. And if they end up with a blonde, that doesn't mean they don't like redheads anymore. See?
And the light dawned.
I kind of like this allegory, on multiple levels.
* It doesn't assign gender, so the person you're talking to doesn't automatically say 'but he "should" be with the blonde' or whatever
* People "get" being attracted to a "type" like tall, dark & handsome, or a blond model, etc., and they can "get" being attracted to multiple "types"
* They can use their own personal experience (liking brunettes but marrying a blond, doesn't mean they don't like brunettes anymore)
* Nowhere in there is any judgement that liking blondes and redheads makes a person a slut, or greedy, or several other stigmas that bisexuals get bludgeoned by.
It is ALL about finding the image that works for someone, to explain things in a way they can relate to. Just like "The Spoon Theory" helped my parents understand a little tiny bit more what it's like dealing with being mentally ill every day, the haircolor allegory helped them understand a little tiny bit more what being bisexual means.
As always, take what helps, leave what doesn't. ~mk
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